My break up with someone routine is pretty specific. I pretend they don't exist and do a lot of crying. Also included in this routine are plenty of chocolate, weight gain, weight loss, and more crying. Eventually I'll make peace with that pig of a human being, I mean, that lovely person who was once the light of my life.

I know it's not perfect, but it works for me. Ignoring him means I give myself plenty of time to work through any of the "I want him back" feelings that I may be harboring. Since I don't usually give up without a fight, I broke off the relationship for a really good reason.

This doesn't work for everyone. During the ignoring and grieving time, some people come to the realization that what they really want is their partner back! This can be a tricky proposition, and you have to realize that sometimes it's going to be impossible.

What are you reasons for wanting him or her back?

The "I want him/her back" feelings mentioned a few paragraphs back can be really frustrating. They play on your heartstrings and lead to you making all kinds of excuses for the problems the two of you were experiencing prior to the breakup. Now's the time to be brutally honest with yourself. If loneliness or sadness is behind the "I want him/her back" feelings, forget about it; it's never going to work. If you've had a genuine change of heart, that's a different matter altogether.

Take some cooling off time

What you need now is some cooling off time. Even if you're absolutely certain that your ex lover will welcome a reconciliation, the fact is you broke up. And that comes with all kinds of emotions; a heart hangover if you will. Knowing that you want to get back together is all well and good, but you need to take a few days or even weeks of breathing room to heal your heart. Then you'll both be able to start over with a clean slate.

Get calmed down

If you need another reason for a cooling off period, consider this. When you have the reconciliation talk with your ex, which front would you rather present? The cool, calm and rational one, or the crying, screaming, weepy mess one? Right, I thought so.

When you see him or her again, particularly if you want to tell them you want them back, you want to be at your best. Being sad and weepy like you were when you broke up will only dredge up all your break up drama, and it'll be impossible to either one of you to imagine a happy future.

Be prepared

You also need to be ready for any reaction from your ex about giving it another try. If they say yes, you need to be prepared to follow through. If you make a promise to do something like quitting smoking, then you have to back up your words with action. So be very, very sure about what you're ready do before you ever bring it up.

Brace yourself for the possibility that they might not be interested in round two. Depending on the circumstances, this might be the more likely possibility. Keep your composure; you've already made it a couple of weeks without them. You're not breaking up again; this is just a confirmation, so don't let it break you down again.

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Article Submitted By: Astrid Engels
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