The process of ending an established marriage can drain family finances relative to the animosity between spouses and the marriage rights at stake. Disagreements over property and child custody inevitably require many trips to the lawyers and extended court appearances. The disruption in the lives of family members involves emotional fallout as it is without adding the frustration and anger over loss of money into the equation.

The notion of collaborative law was thought up by American lawyer Stu Webb in 1990. Rather than using a neutral arbitrator each party is represented by a lawyer in a four-way negotiation. The lawyers provide advice on the entitlements of each in a non-adversarial manner in order to bypass lengthy court procedures and the ongoing expenses of bitter litigation. The spouses sign a contract to renounce their right to threaten or pursue an action during the collaborative process. If one party later takes it to court both attorneys have to drop out and can no longer represent them, nor can they make use of any of the information disclosed.

In the past the divorce lawyer was stereotyped in comedy routines as the hand-wringing victor who was the beneficiary of a windfall every time an unfaithful husband got his just rewards in court. The real fact is that deep emotions are involved and those feeling cannott help but rub off on those interviewing them and hearing stories of neglect or abuse, not to any professional with a heartbeat. In homes where domestic violence has occurred and where children are involved the situation is delicate and even a repentant spouse may repeat the pattern that resulted in the split.

The attorneys choosing the collaborative route are specially trained in handling sensitive issues. Although first impression might suggest the lawyer is giving up hefty fees, the ultimate effect may prove to be more referrals and future business will come of the efficient and timely handling of the family crisis, and after all the time saved will enable the lawyer to accept more client cases.

The deep financial recession puts pressure on the new lower middle class to the point where the legal fees of divorce cause less money to be available for the children. Separating is expensive and a court divorce is almost a luxury if the warring parties pit lawyers against each other in a long drawn-out conflict. Psychologists known in this context as divorce coaches and child psychologists counsel the family in preparation and the lawyers set the agenda and coach the spouses in four-way meetings.

Using the collaborative approach lawyers advise their respective clients of laws that apply to their circumstance, guide them a process of cooperative conflict to find solutions to problems, provide all disclosure and discovery, avoid using adversarial tactics, and model listening skills for each spouse so the interests of both are promoted. In this they can expedite the parting of the ways in a dignified manner, making the best of a bad situation.

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