The Accidental Expectant Father

Article Written By: DamianPapworth

We live on Australia's Gold Coast. Moving here was a decision we made together, moving away from our families early 2007 in favor for a beach lifestyle. As such, we often have our families visit us for weekends or weeks at a time, staying in our spare room. It really is one of the joys of living at a tourist destination.

It was early 2008 that we started to suspect unplanned pregnancy. We actually had my parents staying with us at the time. So we decided to wait till they left before getting the test, to confirm what was going on. So Mum and Dad left, we bought a pregnancy test, my wife went into the bathroom. She followed all the instructions and then, amusingly, fled the scene. All courage had departed, she couldn't look at the results. I found her in the lounge with her head buried under a pillow.

I spent a minute composing myself and having gotten my laughter under control, I went into the bathroom to check the little stick. We were pregnant, our first was on its way. Returning to the lounge, I gathered my wife in my arms and murmured, andquot;We're going to be parents sweetheartandquot;.

This sparked a bevy of activity. She leaped off the couch and bounded into the bathroom to see for herself. When I arrived behind her, she was jumping up and down in excitement, then settled into a moment of stillness where we just stared at each other tenderly. It really was a roller-coaster, fear, excitement, love, joy, responsibility all rolled up into less than 10 minutes, what an introduction into pregnancy. The rest of this evening was nothing short of blissful. The news, though unexpected and unplanned, brought us together as a couple in a way I never would have thought possible. The intimacy of this special news was something only we shared. The way we shared this revelation strengthened our relationship massively. All of a sudden we were a partnership that nothing could cast asunder.

Pregnancy is full of such moments for a couple. Moments which bring you together and bind you with joint purpose. I'm really glad that we were introduced to pregnancy in this manner, as it gave me a perspective on how such experiences can really build a relationship and make for a happier home. Having experienced this first hand, I understood pretty quickly that it was pretty important to protect our relationship in a way that ensured these moments were experienced by us in our little circle of a new family. I quickly saw however that there were many egos who tried to take these moments away from us and claim them for themselves. I call these people the andquot;well meaning womenandquot; as typically they are women who think they are helping, but clearly cross all boundaries of appropriate behavior and rather, interfere in the decisions and moments which should be respected as family only.

The pregnancy of your first child really is a roller-coaster ride. You have such immense highs, indescribable moments you share with your partner. Moments you can hardly understand yet will never forget. For the first time you are bringing a new life into the world.

These can really be tempered though by the pressures other people put on you. You may feel like you are constantly defending yourself from expectations and opinions that you just shouldn't have to deal with. It can be frustrating, it can cause issues between you and your partner at the very time you should be working together.

In talking to many other new fathers in my circle of friends, it seems as men, this is an issues we all have to face. The andquot;well meaning womanandquot; pops up everywhere, typically is the wife's best friend, or mother, sometimes it can be your own mother. Its always someone who has already had children though, and someone who andquot;knows betterandquot;.

Is there a well meaning woman causing issues in you family at the moment? The one thing I found when it happened to me was it was time for me to grow up. For the first time, I had to stand tall and protect my family. When these types of situation arise, there are two things you need to protect your family from.

Firstly, you need to protect your right to trust the medical information your health professionals are giving you. You need to make people aware that within your family, opinions on medical matters are off limits to them.

Secondly, ensure they do not interfere with your and your wife's instincts. This pregnancy is your family's, no-one else's. Every pregnancy is different. You need your instincts to make it the best pregnancy for you and your partner, no-one else's is appropriate or relevant. Anyone else's could be damaging to you, your spouse and your unborn child.

So, as a father to be, if you find yourself confronted by the andquot;Well Meaning Womanandquot;, you are certainly not the first, and will not be the last. Good luck with it and remember, even though these people will make you feel like you know less, 99% of the time your insticts will be spot on.

About the Author

Damian Papworth as a new dad, reflects on some of the issues he had to deal with a short time ago, as an expectant father for the first time.

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This Article Has Been Published on Mon, 7 Sep 2009 and Read 218 Times

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