A Baby On The Way - The Unexpected Surprise

Article Written By: DamianPapworth

The night we found out we were pregnant with our first was one of those few moments in my life that I will never forget. Before that moment, I'd never have imagined that one little test would leave such an impression on my life, but it did. My spouse and I were pregnant, we had embarked on a new adventure of joint purpose, of family. We don't live close to family, they are all at least a short flight away. This has is advantages and disadvatages. One of the definite pros though is we have a constant stream of visitors coming and living with us for a week or so. Its really nice.

It was January 2008 that we started to suspect that we were pregnant. We actually had my parents staying with us at the time, so we didn't purchase a pregnancy test until after they had departed.

So Mum and Dad left, we bought a pregnancy test, my wife went into the bathroom. She followed all the instructions and then, amusingly, fled the scene. All courage had departed, she couldn't look at the results. I found her in the lounge with her head buried under a pillow.

I spent a minute composing myself and having gotten my laughter under control, I went into the bathroom to check the little stick. We were pregnant, our first was on its way. Returning to the lounge, I gathered my wife in my arms and murmered, andquot;We're going to be parents sweetheartandquot;.This sparked a bevy of activity. She leaped off the couch and bounded into the bathroom to see for herself. When I arrived behind her, she was jumping up and down in excitement, then settled into a moment of stillness where we just stared at each other tenderly. It really was a rollercoaster, fear, excitement, love, joy, responsibility all rolled up into less than 10 minutes, what an introduction into pregnancy.

The rest of the night was simply wonderful. We spent at least an hour in the bathroom looking at the little stick, staring at each other in amazement, murmering quietly andquot;we are going to be parentsandquot;, andquot;you are going to be a mumandquot;, andquot;you are going to be a dadandquot; and the like. Despite the tumultuous beginning, it turned into an evening of softness, joy and intimacy. An experience that never would have been the same if it was shared with others. An experience in which we grew together as a couple, as a family.

I'm glad our first evening was so special. Pretty quickly I realised out that I needed to work to protect these special moments as they popped up. As we started telling our family and friends, I realised that the world is packed with well meaning people, who want to make these moments their own. Further, as I was only the father, I seemed to be expendable in their eyes.

For example, one of my partner's friends went as far as to speak to my her sister, independently of us, telling her we need her in the delivery room. My mind boggled at the inappropriateness of this. The birth of our baby is such an intimate experience, no-one but my wife and I should be making decisions about who needed to be in the delivery room. The simple fact was, we wanted no-one there, the thought of having someone else in the delivery room with us was intrusive to the extreme.

Another constant was the well meaning woman telling us that in her experience of giving birth, that medical advice we were receiving was incorrect. Yes sure, she had her children over 30 years ago, but nothing has changed and she knew better. Ridiculous. The really impressive part of these experiences though is that as the father to be, my opinions and participation in the discussion was not required. Apparently I was completely superfluous when it came to these decisions being made in my family.

The pregnancy of your first child really is a rollercoaster ride. You have such immense highs, indescribable moments you share with your partner. Moments you can hardly understand yet will never forget. For the first time you are bringing a new life into the world.

And then you have the pressures, feelings of self doubt, financial pressures, and feelings of being marginalised and pushed out of the way. This is why learning to trust your instincts becomes so important. You have to trust you'll be able to provide for your family. You have to trust yourself so you know, when the well meaning woman enters the fray, the decisions you've made as a couple are the right decisions for your experience. I've talked to many fathers since these days, fathers from three different generations. The one thing that became absolutely clear to me was the well meaning woman is not new. She has existed forever, always lurking behind some skirt ready to interfere in someone else's family. She could be a best friend, she could be you mother in law, she could even be your Mum. No matter whose face she wears, she probably already exists in your life.

If you are facing such an issue at the moment, with a well meaning woman trying to marginalise you from being involved in the birth of your own child, there are two things in particular which you need to protect your family from.

Firstly we found that all the andquot;great adviceandquot; we were getting, was making us second guess our doctors. The one person you really want to be confortable with and trust in a pregnancy is your doctor. So I found it was really important to us, that I made these people aware that I was not interested in their opinions of a medical nature. We basically made medical opinion regarding our family off limits to other people.

Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions underminding the trust you have in your own instincts and those of your spouse.

Remember, as an expectant father, people will continually try and make you feel out of the loop. They will continually leave you second guessing yourself. Trust your instincts, insulate your family from the inappropriate interferances of others and make the decisions which are right for your circumstances.

About the Author

Damian Papworth as a new dad, discusses some of the issues he had to deal with a short time ago, when he was an expectant father for the first time. Grab a totally unique version of this article from the Uber Article Directory

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